the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
