Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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