I met the friendliest cop last night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
