is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
