i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
