Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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