there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
