apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
