Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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