put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
