Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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