We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
