hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
