umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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