she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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