All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
