I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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