I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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