based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
