Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
