Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
