even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
