I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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