last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
