Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
