got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
