I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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