cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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