Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
