the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
