haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
