Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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