Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
