how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
