I cannot find my penis.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have post one night stand depression
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
