i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
