she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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