Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
