definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
