Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
