The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
