i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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