we're blogging at a bar
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
NoShamevember. You game?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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