I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
