every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
