Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
