yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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