I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
