I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
