it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
