Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
