Already got asked if we're dating
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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