I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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